Death Soulmates
by UniquexCorn
Summary: Phil and Melinda's journey, with a tiny twist. "AU where everything is black and white until you meet your soulmate... and when your soulmate dies, the world goes back to black and white." They've both already died, so I saw my opportunity and I took it. MWAHAHAHA.


**Author's Note: This is a post 4x04 fic, when Melinda died and came back to life. The text in Italics are things Melinda's said to Phil/their past conversations.**

 **The line "strangers to suffering" is borrowed from Mars by Sleeping at Last. (If you'd like to listen to it while reading, go on right ahead, because it definitely made me feel way too angsty while writing).**

* * *

They were once teenagers. Wide-eyed, with innocence in their hearts. They walked with their eyes to the ceiling, as high as their hopes. They were strangers to suffering. _Real_ suffering, anyway. They knew that the world they just walked into would sometimes be gruesome. They would be protecting humanity - that's why they joined SHIELD. They weren't unaware that when the time came, sacrifices would have to be made. They also knew that more or less, they had what it takes to make those sacrifices.

 _Orientation._ The dome started to fill up with new cadets. Phil was unashamedly wearing his Captain America shirt, hoping someone will take notice and start a conversation. Maybe this is the day he meets his soulmate. He's always been curious about what the world actually looked like - maybe more so than meeting the actual person who would cause it. He hated to admit it, but that was what his eager, younger self secretly thought.

Melinda had her hair up in a ponytail. She wore a shirt that had a wide neckline, showcasing her right shoulder. She wasn't really rushing to meet anyone, let alone her soulmate. She was much more looking forward to be like her mother. From the moment she replaced ice skating with martial arts, she was determined to be the best field agent she could be. Looking back now, all her hard work actually paid off. She wasn't only the best agent _she_ could be, she has also become one of the best agents in SHIELD.

Less and less seats became available as more and more excited new faces entered the dome. Searching for their seats, their shoulders bumped against each other. Phil apologized, Melinda was gracious. They met their soulmates that day.

When they graduate from the Academy, they were inseparable. Fury personally saw to it that they became field partners. He's never seen two agents play off of each other so well before. They always seemed to know the other's next move, making it easy for them to protect each other's backs. They were together through thick and thin. When Melinda chose to quit working in the field, Phil respected that decision, but not without a few persistent (and futile) attempts at getting her back with him. Not a day went by when he didn't wish Melinda was by his side. The world was much more beautiful when they were together.

 _New York._ Melinda was on her way to the SHIELD parking lot after receiving orders from the top to go home, stay safe. They didn't think the situation would escalate, but aliens began to come down from the sky. Not for the first time, she curses herself for being too damaged to even fight. She swore an oath to protect mankind, where was she now? _And Phil._ They were partners. How could she leave him to fend for himself? She knew he could handle himself, but she still wanted to be there, having his back.

The whole world was panicking. Even her own hands were shaking, trying to place her keys in her car. She would talk to Phil after this ridiculous alien parade. She would. She's been putting it off for long enough.

She's just started her car when all of a sudden, she felt like someone knocked the wind out of her. Everything blasted back into black and white, and knowing full well what that meant, she stares off blankly into the parking lot. She felt some sort of weight pushing on her chest, restricting her breathing. She didn't even try to fight it – but there weren't any tears either. She just sat there motionless, staring at her windshield. _Phil was gone._ The reality stung like none of her stab wounds. It was an empty, gnawing pain at the hollow of her chest. After Bahrain, she couldn't imagine anything worse happening to her. Thinking of Phil lying in a pool of blood, she thinks that maybe she just wasn't imaginative enough.

 _Today._ After Melinda is revived, he drives them, along with FitzSimmons, back to the base. He leaves her to rest in her quarters as he thinks of how to approach her later. He's been meaning to talk to her, about her death, about them, but he couldn't quite do it back at Radcliffe's, where there were other people around. This was something deeply personal. He's realized something about her. That it was always her. Always the two of them.

He knocks on her door, hoping she would be awake. She opens it, greets him with a look of dread on her face. For a moment Phil worries that maybe she wasn't quite cured yet – maybe she still sees ghosts. But no, he was confident in Simmons. He knew that she was the best and he trusted that if anyone could make Melinda well again, it would be her. He was sensing that maybe she was just anxious about the conversation they're about to have. She didn't like talking, let alone now that it's inevitable her death would be the topic.

He wills himself to take a deep breath. "Melinda," it comes out soft and quiet, like a whisper. Like he was afraid she was going to run away at the sound of her first name, so foreign on his tongue. "It's you," he releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. He looks at her and he just knows that she's put up her defenses again.

He thought back at how his whole world closed in on him, turning lividly grey and dull. When it happened back at the hotel in Miami, he thought he felt his heart stop all over again. Slowly, everything around him faded into monotone, he almost didn't notice because of the blackout. He knew his soulmate was gone. He also knew there was nothing he could do, so he pushed on with their mission, defeating the Watchdogs and disabling the EMP. All the while he fought his internal struggle to break down, to push the thought of his dead soulmate against the back of his mind.

When everything went back in color, he felt confused. Then felt like a huge weight was slowly being lifted off him, like he could finally breathe without much effort. When he heard the news that Melinda had died and was revived, he loathed himself for not seeing it sooner. It was her. Of course it was.

She shakes her head so subtly, if he weren't looking at her he would've missed it. "You didn't know?" All at once the defenses crumbled. She looked so hurt he felt like his heart was being squeezed a thousand times over.

"You did?" he chokes despite his attempt at composure. Why didn't she tell him?

He looks back at all the times they shared. She was always there. She was always the one he could trust. Even with his life.

 _"No matter what happens, I'll take care of you. That's my plan."_

 _"Whatever's bothering you, I'm here."_  
 _"I know."_

How could she have shown in so many uncanny ways that she was the one? How could he have been so blind?

 _"You mean lot to me. A lot."_

 _"I'm tired of fighting it."_  
 _"So don't. That's what I'm here for."_

"At the Academy," she swallows, refuses to meet his gaze. "We bumped into each other and I knew instantly."

"I bumped into a lot of people," he was in disbelief, how could he have not known? "There were so many students, and the colors didn't start showing until after a while."

"It's different for everyone, Phil," her attempt at a laugh came out with a sob. Her discovery came like a blast of color, as fast as it all disappeared when she found out that Phil died. His came gradually, individual tones revealing themselves first until every color imaginable was visible.

He should be happy. He finally found her. But instead he hated himself. All the times he hurt her. He blamed her for the things she didn't do. He blamed her for trying to protect him. For trying to protect the team. He cut off their friendship. Treated her like she was an outsider. She left multiple times because of him. Who was with her when, for days that seemed like forever, her world went dark? When he died in the Battle of New York? How did she feel when she found out he was alive again?

She even got married, knowing full well he was her soulmate. She had to let him go because she thought he didn't feel the same way. They've heard of stories where soulmates only remained best friends. Maybe that was what she comforted herself with every time they worked together. He can't believe all the pain he's put her through. Even more, he can't believe that she _put up_ with all the pain he's given her. He can't help but pull her toward him. He just wants to touch her, know that she's real and alive. Surprisingly, she lets him. He promises himself to show her in every remaining day they spend together that he cares. He's always loved her. He knows that now.

He finally feels Melinda letting go, her tears seeping through his shirt and into his skin. He pulls her closer, looks back at that time in the Academy. He remembers slowly seeing a vibrant world, and his younger self was so awed with shock that it took him a moment to decide that he should probably find who caused it. When he looked around the row of seats, he remembers his eyes being drawn to a young girl with dark hair, pink lips, and a silent curiosity behind her eyes. Maybe something inside of him knew that it was her.

Decades later, that something inside of him still gravitates toward her. They've always been together, despite every bad thing that happens. The universe always seems to find a way to lead them back to each other. Even death didn't pull them apart. It just showed them that they were meant to be together, as they should always be.


End file.
